Reasons Why It’s a Bad Idea to Send “Bawdy” Birthday Letters

1. They might read it out loud in front of Grandma.

She thought she was getting a prayer. She got a poem about “leather chaps.”

2. Autocorrect doesn’t know what you’re trying to say… but it tries anyway.

“Your smoldering thighs” turns into “your smothered fries.” Deliciously uncomfortable.

3. If they frame it, you become art… weird, mildly incriminating art.

That’s your name in calligraphy next to a sketch of a duck in lingerie.

4. It sets the bar too high for next year.

This year: risqué sonnet. Next year: what, interpretive dance?

5. Your friend’s partner might not find it hilarious.

Now you’re “that friend” — the one who inspires long, suspicious glances across the dinner table.

6. It’ll resurface at their retirement party.

“Let’s hear from old Carl!” Cue projector slide of saucy limericks and confused HR reps.

7. You misjudge the tone, and suddenly they think you’re serious.

Now you’re explaining metaphors about whipped cream and existential desire over brunch.

8. It gives them permission to write back… and they’re even wilder than you.

Suddenly you’re in a spiral of escalating prose about pirate role-play and scented oils.

9. Your friend’s kid finds it first.

Now you’re banned from the birthday party and questioned about your use of “boisterously unzipped.”

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Carllrac