Productive Things To Do To People While They Sleep
A meaningless listicle meant to fulfill a blog deadline: Productive things to do to people while they sleep.
Clip their toenails. Toe nails are meant to protect our feet from harm, by adding a protective shell to the pointer bone of the toes. Comfort and good foot health starts with the proper trimming of toenails. They may give you some push back or get mad upon waking up to find nicely groomed cuticles. And they’ll probably be even unhappier to find nail clippings that flew about the room. But, by kindly grooming the sleepers in their sleep, you are helping them prevent painful broken or ingrown nails which could lead to infections. Clip their toenails every 6-8 weeks, best complete after 13 beers and a toga party. Also, remind them that there are dreams in life that are greater than having the Guinness world record for the most gnarly toe nails in the world.
Feed them intravenously. Because the IV technique is the fastest way to administer nutrients into the body, it can help treat nutrient deficiencies, including electrolyte and vitamin deficiencies due to excessive alcohol consumption. It promotes faster weight loss. Cleans the body of toxins, and promote better overall health. The sleeper will not be able to explain the extra energy and good mood, which will ultimately lead to a healthier relationship together. Administering an intravenous line is best left to professionals, so consider hiring people who were once licensed to perform this function. Your best bet are disgraced medical professionals who cannot find work in the field they were unceremoniously forced out of. You might even want to consider highly skilled foreign medical professionals who have come to the country and are unable to practice medicine, because they don’t have the thousands of dollars needed to have the educational designations from their native lands recognized in this country. You can ask random cab drivers or minimum wage security guards to see if their backgrounds are suitable for the inexpensive sources of labor you’re looking for. Chances are that, they will.
Subliminal messages. Subliminal messages deliver a message that the conscious mind doesn’t detect. They can help a person relax, increase creativity, and help produce positive changes in a person's life. Subliminal messages can facilitate conscious processing of given information, boost your motivation and even change some of our attitudes towards the external world. They don’t like Robert Goulet? They don’t know who Robert Goulet is? We’ll change all that by running a continuous loop of Robert Goulet songs while the sleeper is at their most relaxed, and susceptible to the influence of magical hits like “If ever I would leave you.”
Use their limbs as paperweights. Considered by the less creative as a “disability” or “medical condition”, non functional limbs have purpose other than dangling. And although a sleeper’s limbs are still functioning, their use is limited while catching zzz’s. So what I just said about people with non functioning limbs does not apply to this conversation, and may have a totally inappropriate thing to say. With that said…When you need to keep important papers, bills and documents neatly organized on your bed or sofa, use their legs and arms as a paperweight to prevent them from getting scattered. This will be helpful if the person sleeping snores heavily, disturbing the air flow in the room.
Take compromising photos of them sucking their thumbs for the purpose of a “friendly” game of extortion. They may not be thumb suckers, although some people who suffer trauma may not grow out of it. For your purpose, however, they don’t need to know that you placed their thumb in the mouth for the picture. Use the compromising picture to get something out of the person. Nothing too nefarious or illegal. Nothing too serious, something like getting them to do the dishes, clean the bathroom, maybe rob a gold depository with a slingshot and radio flier to haul the precious metals in. Have fun with it, but keep it legal or untraceable back to you.
Start a live camera chronicling their sleep and translate their dreams into foreign languages. Sleep streaming is becoming increasingly popular amongst insomniacs from all around the internet. So you can make a few extra dollars showcasing a sleeper. The louder the snorer, the better! Some social media personalities are making thousands of dollars a month just for sleeping, but you can take your creepy voyeuristic sleep cam to the next level by giving your audience some insight into the dreams the sleeper is having. By analyzing the level of REM sleep paralysis and rapid eye movement, you can translate it to an otherwise un-engaged, yet desperate audience. For an added bonus, charge a little bit extra or encourage people to join the paid membership stream for an extra $5.99 a month, where they can watch uou put shaving cream in the sleepers hand and tickle their nose with a feather.
Redecorate the dwelling with vintage furnishings and upon their waking up convince them the future was all but a dream. You can outfit the room from a local thrift store and cast young members of your family, such as nieces, nephews and children of cousins that look similar to the siblings of the sleeper while growing up. Upon waking up This will ad a realism to the whole scenario. This mean spirited practical joke may even become a psychological blessing in disguise, upon waking up to see childhood siblings, he or she will be able to address some personal trauma from the past and get a greater insight into their family dynamics while growing up. It will allow them to deal with unresolved issues that they believe suspect is preventing them from living a full and satisfying life.
Return to:
Comments
Post a Comment